One of the coolest people in the Amy-Club (the OFFICIAL club for people named Amy) got me thinking about my idea of heaven. Yeah, yeah, yeah, peace, no hunger, imagine all the pee-po-oh-ole livin for toooooday...you-who-ooh-ooh....I'm talking about the fun part of utopia. The idea of living someplace free of all of your pet peeves...all the things that make you want to slap someone or throw yourself from a moving vehicle....uh...wait...maybe I'm the only that ever feels like that...please, no "So you want to hurt yourself" tri-fold brochures slipped under my door.
First of all, TV commercials would finally be liberated from spokespeople that scream, a dude with a mullet in a straightjacket because he's finally gone caaaaaa-razy with prices, simulated computer monitors complete with a mouse pointer clicking on important facts, melodramatic pipe dream short films (think Barney..."don't cry for me...I'm already dead....FIN") that end up being about shoes, and a woman on a bike yelling to the camera about how she asked her doctor about allegra (but it gives you no indication what the drug actually is...so you know, I guess I'm supposed to ask the girls' pediatrician about Propecia for them just on the outside chance it might be something they need).
Yes, that was just one thing.
Secondly, I know in order for there to be good there must be evil and vice versa. So while I'm not implying ALL assholes be neutralized, I would like a world where no one is a jerk to me. I have one person in my day to day life that is just SUCH A BITCH for no apparent reason. We'll call him/her...JOHNNY. This Johnny character is, on most occasions, really nice to my face particularly when I can be of some benefit to him/her. However, I'll discover evidence that this person just says really rotten things about me. Okay, I'm not 11, I know. It still sucks. All my maternal sayings like, "He/she's probably just jealous", or "Sometimes people who aren't happy can take it out on good people" are of little consolation because....because whatever....it's super-irritating.
Third, hats worn off to the side. I really can't stand this trend. It has nothing to do with age. I never could stand it. It's starts at birth almost. Poor little boy, barely 4 months old is propped up with a pillow, a baseball is whimsically set infront of him, and blue baseball cap is set on his head with the bill off to the side. As if to convey the message, "oh little Billy is all boy...here he is, unable to sit on his own but just happened to be tossing the baseball around and he's so carefree that his hat is just off to the side." About 15 years down the road, little Billy becomes B-Dog, the punk white kid from the suburbs that walks like one knee took some shrapnel in Korea, smoking his stolen Merit menthol 100's.
I guess that's all the bitterness I have for the night. I really am a content person overall. Face it, if I have the time or energy to be this arrogant, things are probably pretty good from my end...even with my "Johnny".
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I once had a "supervisor" -- and I use the term with great reservation -- who was such an incredibly unctuous, miserable asshole that even now I fantasize about slicing open his abdomen and slowly winding his intestines on a hose reel. I often thought that if this guy were ever murdered, the police would have to give up the investigation because every person they interviewed would say, "No, I didn't kill him, but I'm willing to take the credit."
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