Where I Am

It's time. I remember a moment a few years ago when I was walking to my car. I had spent an hour getting ready to go somewhere and had just stepped out of the front door. I looked down at my shoes and then tucked my chin into my chest a little tighter and rounded my spine to get a not-very-accurate look at the rest of me. I remember, at that moment, feeling very content with myself...both inside and out. I want to have another moment like that. It's time.

It's time. I love my career. It allows me to do what I love without having to miss out on anything with my girls. My hours are completely flexible. I have discovered, however, that having the tools needed to achieve a work-life balance don't, in fact, create the work-life balance. That part is up to me. As it stands, my approach to parenting and working is so fragmented and unstructured that I feel as though I am ALWAYS doing one or the other (and often both at the same time). I need to sort that out and create boundaries so that one does not overlap with the other. It's time.

It's time. I enjoy so many things about our home. It's large (ish), it's in a fabulous area, it's affordable, and it's been home to us for nearly five years. Yet, as my seven-year-old pointed out, it's not a "real" house. She's right. It's home, but it's not a house. Years of living beyond my means (mainly due to going to school while raising two small children) have kept us stuck within the confines of each paycheck. I've never gotten ahead of the debt to the extent that we could actually purchase a home. I've always paid all of my bills on time...ALWAYS. That, however, is the most I could do. I've organized our finances in a way that will allow us to get rid of debt and buy a home. It's no longer okay for me to live like I am in college. I need to regain some control of this. It's time.

January 29th will mark one year since most everyone in my world received devastating news that meant our time with someone we loved would be coming to an end. I now know that it began a timer set for 71 days. I feel like I need to honor that...honor her in some way.

Obviously, a new header, a new background, new music...these things are all LONG overdue. I'm thinking about what to do with it. If anyone has any ideas for how they would use 71 days...a project of sorts...I'd love to hear it.

I feel like I need to be moving toward something...a goal or goals, rather than just standing still. One of the things I loved about being in school was the chance to be learning something again. This not only meant learning in the classroom, but learning about myself. I replaced apathy with opinions and beliefs and I loved it. While I have no desire to return to school, I do miss being in that state. I need to get back to that. It's time.