Magic Mommy

I've been thinking a lot about motherdom lately. I'm not sure why. Pah-leeez! I'm sure there is a way-deeper reason than the fact that it was just Mother's Day, that I have two children, that I my social circle is starting to become significantly more densely populated by other moms, while my non-parent friends are becoming fewer and farther between. I'm certain that it has nothing to do with the fact that I cannot escape my need to learn more about children and families and am beyond passionate about ending my days of indifference with my "job" and investing my knowledge, education, and experience into a career that contributes to family preservation and restoration.

My mom was good mom. In fact, I have always viewed her in this idealistic, infallible way. Surely, she made a few mistakes, but I don't think I noticed. To me, she always had a reason for everything. It never occurred to me that she may have had moments where she was just winging it and hoping for the best. Years later, she half-jokingly said she always took pride in the fact that she never used a foreign object to spank us and we were not on MTV Spring Break. I wasn't a perfect child, but I was a smart child that valued my parent's trust and approval. For the most part, I was smart enough to know how to have fun and engage in some moments of recklessness while avoiding situations where I'd end up in trouble or over my head.

When I found out I was pregnant with Maria, I felt compelled to be the kind of mother my own mother is, but also do all the "new" things that moms are supposed to - follow all the new rules: sleeping on their backs, methodical in our approach to eating, sleeping, following schedules. I even taught her sign language. I made everything about choices, and walked around with this feeling as though my parenting was constantly being evaluated and observed. By the time Maria was three, I had a second daughter, two children in diapers, a very messy house, a husband that was an awesome roommate, nothing to show for the past ten years I had spent since high school going to college for two of the required four years, work experience, surmounting credit card debt, very independent and intelligent but VERY willful children, and a complete lack of identity. Despite all of my efforts, my children still had the AUDACITY to behave like...well... children. They still thew temper tantrums, got colds, threw up, had an affinity for McDonald's fries, and refused to potty train until THEY were ready (not me). I should also add that my mom was thoroughly amused with my children knowing some signs and compared them to Koko the Silverback Gorilla.

How could this all happen? How could I do everything right yet nothing was measuring up to the standards I had set for my children, my marriage, and myself? Soon, it just all started to click. My children will benefit from watching how I carry myself and react to situations as they would from all of the intentional lessons I was teaching them. It was time for me to pull it all together, recognize my limitations (mainly that I will never, ever, ever be infallible), and set realistic short-term goals for myself and my children as well as attainable long-term goals. It's no surprise that many of my day-to-day stresses have been alleviated by the simple fact that the girls are older and significantly more autonomous and have developed excellent skills for articulating their feelings and finding solutions to problems they encounter. If that all happened on auto-pilot, I know that a big reason why I don't often yell, I don't spank, and our whole household is calmer is that I have also changed the way I react and process events. I am finally at peace with myself as an individual and as a mother. Rather than feeling inadequate or insecure as a mother, I feel that I have been successful so far - even with so much left to learn.