I still hate my hair. I remember being little and wishing I had hair like my mom's...straight, really dark, and shiny. I had crazy curly hair...and it hurt to have it brushed. I grew up, learned how to straighten it. I grew out my bangs because...well because it's not 1987 anymore. I even have been having highlights put in. Still, I get so frustrated by the fact that I have to make some real conscious decisions if where I'm going to be involved with wind, humidity of any kind, and me moving my head at all. I also have a really big head...but that's neither here nor there.
I have a tatoo. It's a beautiful lime green and purple dragonfly on the back of my left shoulder. I gave it to myself as a present for my 30th birthday. At first I thought of all the symbols... the Buddhist seals, the flowers, blah blah blah, but it all seemed...cheesy or something. I see some people with things that are symbolic and I think how cool that is because someone can ask about it and they'd say "ah yes....this is the eternal knot...significant to the people of....". That just isn't me. Knowing me, I'd forget and just give them some bullshit story to make me sound smarter. I'd forget the story I told though and they'd hear me tell a different one a few months later and call me out. Suddenly my cool tattoo just made me a poser. Overthink things? Me? Yeah... all the time. However, I decided just to go with something that was pretty. I asked Maria to name some things she thought were pretty...the first one she said was "dragonflies". One of my best friends and possibly favorite people in the universe came with me to get it. It will always sit on my shoulder as a reminder of that day too.
I have insomnia. No, it's never been clinically diagnosed. "Hi doctor. I think I'm an insomniac." "Oh really? Why do you think that?" "Well, because night after night, I just don't sleep very well". "Hmmmm....I think what we're looking at here is a case of insomnia." That's pretty much the conversation I had with my doctor a couple of years ago. He gave me names for sleep studies, a list of those tips like, "take a warm bath", "avoid caffeine", "read", "pray". I find three Benadryl and trying to study works well. It still doesn't stop me from getting up at 4 a.m. to say....check the 10 day forecast or sign up to join the Leukemia Lymphoma Society.
My favorite songs change almost weekly. This week, I'm really digging "Save Me" by Remy Zero and "You Said Something" by PJ Harvey.
I can't kill bugs...I mean it seriously makes me sad if I kill one. When I have to kill a bunch of ants in my kitchen, I have to psyche myself up like someone does to themselves in a boxing match...my mind goes through the whole web of reasoning so that I can be at peace with the impending massacre I'm about to unleash...with papers towels...AND WATER!!!!! That being said, I love to watch boxing....I love hockey games when they start fighting. Somehow when it's people beating the piss out of eachother, it's entertaining and even a little charging for me. When I see those SAD SAD documentaries with lions catching little baby animals and killing them, I'm repulsed.
I have a horrible habit of saying really stupid things and then think "wow, I can't believe I just said that out loud". Instead of just being humbled by it, before I can catch myself, I'm usually trying to cover it up with something equally as retarded...thus just making it worse.
I instinctively laugh when someone falls...even....no ESPECIALLY...me.
What does all of this mean? Well for those of you who know me well, somewhere in the backs of your minds you might be thinking, "I wonder if there's something she should be doing right now." If so, you are 100% correct. I have an economics midterm in about 16 hours and I just can't bring myself to study right now. So lucky you, I'm looking for ways to procrastinate and here I am...blogging. I'm a freakin' nerd!!!
Safe home now, ya hear?
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1 comment:
You inherited my thick, luxurious hair, so quit yer whinin'. Less fortunate people regular pay big bucks to have hair like ours.
You also inherited your mother's sense of humor. If she saw, for instance, an old lady fall off of a ladder, she'd laugh so hard I'd have to give her oxygen.
Everybody says stupid things all the time. I know, I use public transportation. The other day I heard an NPR interview with a guy who just published a book on the origins of various metaphorical expressions. He mentioned one expression -- I can't remember the country of origin -- that covers the very thing you mention, that feeling of "Dammit! I should have said..."
Which brings me to one of my favorite words/expression: schadenfreude. Look it up.
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