At the advice of a friend, I'm attempting to update this more often. It doesn't matter that she and occasionally my dad are the only people who ever read it. What's important is that I have an outlet for all of the crap that goes through my head that just doesn't normally come up in my conversations with anyone. For example, my latest thought process involves the fact that there are so many things I see flawed around me yet I have absolutely no motivation to change. Mind you, they're all really trivial but they bug me nonetheless. I have virtually no dirty laundry in my house but all the clean clothes remain in neatly folded piles - some in laundry baskets, some next to laundry baskets in my room, some in the girls' bedroom closet. There is a weird sticky spot (probably from syrup) in the middle of our kitchen table that I suspect just needs to be burnt off like a wart. Our bathroom has a mildew smell but I can't find the source. I have a big planter on our back patio that has a bunch of dead plants - the whole thing should just be thrown away but I just know it'll be really, really heavy. Since I've been paying bills online, I almost never do anything with the paper bills anymore so they, like the laundry, are in neat little piles in various places around the house. The girls' toy room...enough said about that. Life is busy and messy. We had one or two unseasonably warm days recently and I was pumped both days. I got quite a bit accomplished. Then, it started to rain and then just got so cold. Now...now I'm tired. I'm quite certain there are worse things to have in one's life. I guess I'm glad I actually have the luxury of such minor annoyances.
This year has already started with so many people I know going through huge life-altering changes. Cancer, divorce, moving across the country, new jobs, new children, terminal illness...you know, I group these all together because I'm only talking about changes...not necessarily misfortune. I believe that no matter what the circumstances, there is always a mix of happy and not-so-happy in any event. Some things, like divorce or terminal illness, initially cause not-so-happiness, but I'm sure something good can come out of it. The birth of a child, in most cases, is a really happy change. However, I know all too well that at the end of the day, even with something that joyous, also comes feelings of fear, sadness, etc.
I'm not sure what my point is. I guess I'm just putting my train of thought into words. See what I mean? If a friend called me up and I started saying this stuff, I might hear a response like "hmmm...yeah, well, I guess I better go start dinner", or "what are you talking about?", or "Amy...if you're going to call me at 1:00 in the morning, could you at least PRETEND you have something important to say?". So to preserve any bit of sanity my friends and family think I have, I think I need to keep updating this. Now I can go back to listening to them talk about the life-altering changes they are experiencing...and I can free up my mind to concentrate on the really important things. You know, come to think of it, that mildew smell might be coming from the caulking around the tub.
Oh, and in the words of Steven Colbert, "for who am I if I am not not you?".
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